Google Maps to use Mayawati statues for directions in Lucknow !

Lucknow. “Head north towards Maya#3899, Turn left at Elephant#23, Pass by the KansiRam#19 and take a final right at Ambedkar#6” was how Google Maps gave directions to Chandru Prasad when he used his Android phone to find out how to reach Pandey Paan Bhandar from his house.
Starting today, Google is planning to use the ever growing statues in the state for the benefit of aam aadmi.
“We have launched our services in Beta stage in Lucknow and we hope to extend these services all over the state once the Indian courts give green signal to Miss Mayawati for completing her statue building projects,” Google CEO told Faking News.
Sources inform that a “statue predictor algorithm” designed by Google engineers had estimated that Lucknow would have a Mayawati statue after every hundred feet by the year 2020.
“This is huge! We don’t even expect street lights or traffic signals cropping up at similar rates; nothing could give a sense of direction in the state better than the statues, and that’s why we decided to incorporate them into our services,” Google CEO explained.

UP CM Mayawati with statues that would give
 directions to the lost citizens in the state

The news has brought an early Diwali for Maya’s supporters in the state capital, and even the Chief Minister herself was happy with the announcement.
“We thank Maanniya Google Ji for taking this noble step that will help the poor people in Uttar Pradesh,” Mayawati read out a prepared statement in a press conference. Later her Chief Secretary informed that the government will provide the required data to Google engineers, and the statues would be meticulously numbered in order to make direction-giving easy and accurate.
Government sources inform that the news has excited Behenji so much that she is planning to build a statue of herself that would be the tallest in the world.
“Taller than the Christ the Redeemer and the Statue of Liberty put together,” a government source informed. Faking News learnt that this proposed tallest statue of Mayawati would be called the “Redeemer of Poverty” symbolizing Maya’s constant concern for the poor.
Besides, the statue will have Mayawati holding an elephant in her right arm, instead of the customary torch. “This is to symbolize her power and stature,” explained the source. Not to mention the other arm will be shown holding her favorite hand-bag.
This decision, as expected, hasn’t gone down well with the Samajwadi Party leaders who have vowed to demolish the statue once they come back to power, even if that means partnering with the BJP for the demolition, while Congress workers are reportedly working on a “counter offensive”.
“They are planning to come up with Gandhi Maps to counter Google Maps; the Gandhi Maps will use all the monuments, offices, roads and other constructions named after Nehru-Gandhi family members as the landmarks for giving directions,” a Congress source revealed.


This post was first published by me on Faking News. Link. 

Zardari requests Hillary Clinton to get him a iPhone when she comes next for a surprise visit to Pakistan!

Islamabad. In the backdrop of Osama killing in Pakistan, US secretary of state Hillary Clinton made a surprise visit of Islamabad last week to discuss America's concerns over terrorism with Pakistan. While the world remains at sea with Pakistan's role in the so called War-On-Terror and its possibility of getting declared a terrorist state, Pakistan president Asif Ali Zardari seems to have a personal agenda of his own.


" Ya ya ya. War on terror, terrorists, Osama, Obama, LeT, JUD, Musharraf, Sharif, India, China, Abbottabad, Islamabad, state actors, non-state actors all that will go on and on. What Pakistan needs at the moment is a little boost on the technology front. Cutting the chase, actually I have been fostering this dream of owning a iPhone for quite some time now. My chief of staff tells me that one can get a iPhone for quite less in US, so I have requested Hillu to get one for me whenever she plans to surprise visit us next,"said Zardari who bought his last phone Nokia 1100 at 10% discount on becoming the president.


It is to be noted that the latest phone to hit the Pakistani market is MotoRazr so one understands Zardari's decision to stamp his authority through acquiring an iPhone. Although Zardari had been once gifted a iPhone in the form of a surprise package dropped at his doorstep but he burnt the handset owing to its logo of a chewed apple, thinking it to be a sick joke from RAW.


" I know getting iPhone from US could pose some jailbreak problem. But then you can ask any living soul on the face of the earth about the country which has the expertise in jailbreak area, it is us! Besides it will give me an opportunity to be always on-the-go," said a winking Zardari who uses 'iPhone' and 'iPad' interchangeably in his conversations. That last statement caused anxiety and worry in the Obama administration which has already been through a painful ordeal of chasing Osama bin Laden for almost a decade.

Zardari before receiving the
confirmation for iPhone.

" We acknowledge receiving a iPhone request from the Pakistani president. Although the Congress has opposed the idea but we have decided to meet Pakistan's demands with this one as well," said the US state department spokesperson confirming receiving the request.


No sooner was this announcement made by the US, the Pakistani nation went into a celebration mode, swamping the streets with burning placards of Nokia 1100. Singing and dancing they celebrated the single biggest achievement in the political career of their president. The entire political caravan including the likes of Dawood reached the president's 1BHK mansion with a crate of half a dozen apples in a show of appreciation.

Zardari after receiving the
confirmation for iPhone.

Completely over the cloud, Zardari was short of breath as he said," This accomplishment marks a historical day for Pakistan. I appreciate the graciousness showed by the US. They even went out of their way to ask me if I wanted iPhone 3 or 4 ? Ha Ha Ha.. But I turned down their offer gracefully saying what will I do with so many iPhones. One is enough for me." Zardari paused to count the number of apples in the crate and continued, " Looks like our relationship with America dates back to stone age. In fact my secretary has just informed me that US has even sent me some list and I can bet my bottom dollar that it would be the list of tariff plans for me to choose from as I had also asked for an AT&T connection."

So while the entire Pakistani nation wait for their president to wake up to the alarm tone of iPhone and save the country, one thing is for sure: If you don't have an iPhone, well, you don't have an iPhone!

Survey: Locating a decent public toilet is Indians' number one fear. Death comes second!

According to the survey results released by the Indian Velle Association (IVA), more than 90% of the Indians consider locating a decent public toilet during desperate times as something that they fear most. As surprising as the participants' choice of their biggest fear was, their choice of 'death' as the second most dreadful thing only emphasized the smelly condition of public toilets in the country.


When contacted by for his take on the survey results, a visibly confused Home Minister P Chidambaram reacted, cranking the loopiness meter all the way up to 10, "I do understand people's sentiments over this issue. For a country considered to be the world's biggest dumping ground, the least that we could do is to maintain public toilets in a presentable state."


"Besides don't forget to see the silver lining here. A single time usage of the public toilets in their current condition improves your lung capacity to a level that is beyond the output of a hundred kapalbhati sessions ," added Chidambaram, whose party's dislike for Yoga and associated people is secret to nobody.


The commoners however find it difficult to see any lining, silver or otherwise. What they do experience when inside a public toilet is something straight out of a Jackass show.


Balaji, a local resident of Bangalore who voted using public toilets as his biggest fear even ahead of death and sodomy, has had a harrowing experience with the public toilets. "The other night, while I was on my way back home after devouring a couple of McDonald's Spicy Paneer Burgers, I felt an overwhelming urge to defecate. Kept looking around for a half decent crapper but to no avail. With the pressure on my bowels building with each passing moment, I finally found a Sulabh Shauchalaya at a deserted road behind the trees in the dark. Its condition was as expected but even before I could gather all the courage to mount over the pot without making any contact, the fear of a splashback prevented me from going ahead. The ultimate devil-and-deep-blue-sea choice! Pretty disgusting for a city where you could find more pubs and bars in almost every street isn't it ?" questioned Balaji.


Not everyone though is just concerned by the numbers and the sanitation provided inside the public toilets, there are also some who completely despise the thoughtless way in which some of these public toilets are designed.
"First thing that I demand is to build taller walls separating urinals in this country. This would prohibit towering guys getting a bird's-eye view. Believe me its not a welcome feeling seeing a lanky guy entering the toilet and choosing the urinal just next to you, intentionally missing all the vacant ones on the way, " said Vishal Kumar who at 5'3" suffers big time at the hands of the modern auto flush sensor technology in the urinals at his workplace which assumes that the process is over even though he is still in the mid of it.


"While we should expect the government to work on the infrastructure and sanitation of public toilets, the onus is also on the society to stop disrespecting frequent toilet-goers," added Vishal, who often uses different floor toilets in his office building to avoid public glare.


Meanwhile, the IVA officials have already declared the survey a huge success, courtesy participants' enthusiasm. " The participants didn't just answer the questionnaire but also bombarded strong suggestions. For instance, some expressed their dislike towards the usage of terms like 'Pakistan' and 'Sasural' to address toilets and advocated for the adoption of the terms 'Bade Ghar' and 'Chhote Ghar' as the universal names while others condemned the people who feel ashamed of the echo effects while speaking on phone in the toilet taking a rightful dump," said Mr Susu Reek, president of IVA.

Govt's proposed solution!

Last reported the Sheila Dixit led Delhi government had already sprung to action by putting public awareness boards outside all public toilets saying:  


                   Toilet is the seat of the soul. Keep it clean!
                   -Genital Reminder.

Bachelor seeks revenge by building his own apartment and denying occupancy to married couples!

Bangalore. Living well would be the best revenge for most, but for Ambar Seth, a software engineer, revenge was something that kept him alive for the last three years.Following a harrowing experience when countless number of flat owners shut the door on him when he was on a lookout for a two bedroom-hall-kitchen flat, Ambar started laying the groundwork of his plan to avenge.


"I had been given a one-month notice period by my previous flat owner to vacate the flat. Following the notification,I invested four consecutive weekends looking out for a flat but to no avail. Everybody shut the door on my face just because I was a bachelor. Tell me, is it my mistake that no female ever agreed to marry me after spending five minutes in my company? " asked Ambar with teary red eyes.


He pauses to literally stare a passing by girl till she was out of sight and continues, "It was then that I decided to teach this superficial society a lesson. I started working seriously hard in my office, giving up stuff like every minute status update on Facebook and Twitter. I even stopped my favorite pastime of logging into Rediff News from my fake id 'Kareena' and posting comments. There was just one thing that pre-occupied my mind all that while: A dream of owning an apartment someday and say NO to married wannabe-occupants!"


Ambar's anguish does not comes as a surprise to many in metro cities of India where its becoming increasingly difficult for bachelors to get flats on rent in societies which are predominantly occupied by families. Particularly so in Bangalore, where majority of these bachelors are from IT background and thus automatically accused of practicing bad habits.


"I have been a bachelor from IT background myself so I am well aware of the things that could take place. Been there, done that you see! " snapped Mr Gupta when asked by The Silent Commentator, if he now regretted having turned down Ambar earlier.


"All bachelors follow the same protocol. It starts with playing loud music followed by boozing parties and the next thing you know is girls sneaking in and out of their flats at odd hours," commented Rajesh, another flat owner who denied renting his flat to Ambar and someone who himself ironically enough owns a Rottweiler and was in a one year long live-in relationship with a girl whom he didn't go on to marry. Among other things that Rajesh holds against bachelors are paying hefty tips to security guards for trivial favors, ordering piles of pizzas almost daily and leaving a trail of their expensive perfumes in apartment lifts. According to Rajesh, all these factors put pressure on people like him who are not earning as much.


Ambar however emphasizes that he was innocent then but not now as he makes it a point to practice all the misdemeanours that he was wrongfully suspected of. "They brought out the animal in me. My each breath awaits the moment when a married couple will approach me, requesting me to rent them my flat and I would reply to them 'The flat is vacant but I am not comfortable renting it to a married couple. Please don't mind. There are SOCIETY PRESSURES' ,"said Ambar breaking into hysterical laughter of the kind that would make any Bollywood villain of the 80's very proud.


"They wasted four precious weekends of my life. Four weekends of sleeping at dawn and waking up at dusk, four weekends of lying down on my couch flipping through TV channels and staring at ceiling after exhausting all the Dominos discount coupons , four weekends of complete inactivity which nobody can bring me back, " added Ambar, his eyes turning red for the third time during the interview.


"At last the moment of reckoning has come for me. If the bear-bottle shape of my apartment building and the yellow-white-grey color combination of the pillars don't send a message out loud enough, then nothing in the world ever will, " said Ambar sarcastically as most of the flat-owners used to presume that he would be a compulsive drunkard and smoker.

Landmark to Ambar's apartment couldn't be more convenient

Not surprisingly Ambar has decided to name his apartment 'Adams Only'. An apartment that he doesn't intends to sell but only to rent. It doesn't stops there, Ambar has even gone to the extent of mentioning on the address stone outside, "Married couples and Dogs not allowed". Last heard, Ambar had convinced notorious Bollywood singer Mika to cut the ribbon and inaugurate the apartment.

Pakistani athletes unhappy about excessive cleanliness in Games Village!

New Delhi: 

The chef-de-mission of the Pakistan contingent in the Delhi Commonwealth Games has filed a complaint with the Organising Committee that the facilities at the Games Village are too clean for them to survive there. Be-Wajah Shah said he has filed a complaint with the organisers that the Indians have again back-stabbed their brothers from different mothers, that they lured Pakistan into participating here by showing to them filthy pics of the toilets and hotel rooms, but now that the Games have begun, everything appears “tip-top”.

“It came as a rude shock to me given that the initial pictures were so promising. For long now, India has been eyeing that lone bronze medal that we win in forgery. Since they can’t defeat us in forgery so they create such an alien environment for us,” Shah said.

He further added: “With all these shining floors, silken blankets, top-class training facilities et al, India seems to have invested millions not to host a mega event of global recognition but just to fry Pakistan’s ass. But let’s not fool ourselves. Pakistan will do everything in its capacity to spread filth around and bring the entire arrangement down to Paki standards. A tinge of terrorist activities here and there goes without saying.”

“It doesn’t stop there. Even the food that we are provided here is so nutritious. What good do these cornflakes and fruit juices do? We came here thinking that we will devour tonnes of Biryani. Every time I go out to enjoy food in Pakistan with my friends, there is some bomb blast or the other. I haven’t had a decent meal in a long long time. Coming to India was my only hope, but I guess what people back home say about India is true. Traitors! Yeah, you heard it right. That’s what you people are,” said a seemingly nonchalant Shah.

“The organisers have even tested four of our athletes for a possible dope intake. I want to ask the CWG Organising Committee — what is going on here? Don’t they know that taking hashish with morning tea is customary in our country? Do they have any idea how gruelling such investigations are? I will go as far as to say that they are the psychological equivalent of a complete rectal examination, ” added a very sombre Shah.

Shah was earlier involved in a controversy on the opening day of the CWG when he had a dust-up with Shuja Malik, a CWG gold medallist, over who’ll occupy the room with the maximum paan stains in it.

CWG gold medalist Shuja Malik

Pakistani swimming team captain Narak-e-Tairaak echoed the thoughts of Shah: “I don’t get this sense of cleanliness that the Indians have developed overnight. What is all this hypocrisy? Now take the example of yesterday. One of the maintenance fellows stripped me out of the pool just because he caught me peeing in the pool. What harm will a little additional salt in the pool water do?”

Three days ago, an unnamed Pakistani gymnast felt he might be suffering from constipation, until he located a railway track nearby. He rues: “This commode thing is totally alien to us? We feel a little under the weather if we have to crap anywhere other than the railway track or Tora-Bora mountain. Other Pakistani sportsmen can go without crapping for days as they have a solemn belief in the gaseous state of things but people like gymnasts need to do a lot of bending and stretching and we definitely are not among those who give their country a bad name in front of millions.”

Rumours are rife that the Organising Committee  awarded the Pakistani contingent an “earthenware medal” even before the competition began and instructed them to leave for their clean motherland as soon as possible.

This article was first published by me on News That Matters Not. Here is the Link

Man sued for dropping wife at car service center instead of beauty parlor!

New Delhi. In a bizarre incident, Shruti Chandra, a housewife, has filed an FIR against her husband for dropping her at a Maruti service center instead of a beauty parlor. The couple has been happily married over five years and this is their first incident of dispute where Shruti has accused her husband of negligent driving, defamation, infidelity, mental harassment, and cruelty by spouse in a domestic relationship.

“When he halted at the service center and asked me to get down, I thought that maybe he is just planning for a quick break-fix or something. I kept standing there in the sun until an adamant mechanic approached me with a checklist saying that all free-services are over,” said a fuming Shruti.

Shantanu claims that he has lost no love
or respect for Shruti, and he can
successfully spot her even in
such a “costume”. 

Further investigation into the case by the police unearthed the fact that Shantanu, a software engineer by profession, has been a great car buff right from his childhood days. So much so that he even used to refer Shruti as Lamborghini during their initial courtship days in college. But due to his parent’s persistence he didn’t follow his dream of becoming an automobile engineer and became just another software engineer.

What that meant was that the closest to his dream cars that he could afford was a Mitsubishi Lancer. But he ended up buying a Maruti Alto as a part of the allocated budget was transferred to pay for brow-lift and nose-job (rhinoplasty) surgery bills of Shruti.

Accepting that she was aware of Shantanu’s craze for cars that had made him call her mother a Lada once, Shruti said that the craze did not in any way justify what he had done now.

“I loved Shantanu so much that I won’t even mind laughing at his sad jokes on similarities between a wife and a car, like how both wives and cars ask for high maintenance and about how both start creaking if not serviced on time. But this is no laughing matter now; it seems he always believed in those jokes!” said a peeved Shruti, breaking into tears.

However Shantanu claims innocence and blames the new signboard at the Maruti service center, which he confused for that of a beauty parlor: Drop your troubles here.

“I know my Lamborghini is angry with me. But it was just an honest mistake. I am sure she will forgive me when she will hear that I have already arranged for her to get a cheek-lift,” said Shantanu, who had sold his Alto a couple of hours back.

This article was first published by me on Faking News. Here is the Link

Office dude wonders who’s the one left out who hasn’t seen his iPhone!

Bangalore. Ever since Alpagya Shukla, a senior coder working in the mobile software firm Volcano, got his iPhone 4, he has been on an indefinite mission to show it to all his colleagues. A pain in the ass for everyone for the past two weeks, Alpagya reported early today that probably there was one person still left out in the office, whom he has not been able to show his new phone.

“I guess it’s that guy with French-cut beard in accounts department,” Alpagya tried to conclude as he struck off names off a list of employees obtained from HR department. Sources say that Alpagya was handed out the list by an HR executive after he couldn’t put up with two hours of unsolicited tutorial on iPhone applications that Alpagya was giving to him.

Sources say that Alpagya had shown his iPhone
to his colleagues with a similar pose and with a
similar smile on his face, when he brought
it to his office for the first time.

“It was a couple of weeks back when Alpagya acquired an iPhone and since then the office has become a concentration camp,” said Prasanna Raghavan, who is Alpagya’s unfortunate colleague at the workplace. “It started with him sending us pointless documents about how Apple got its strange name and iconic logo with a bite,” recalls Prasanna, who still gets nightmares of the ‘Tip Calculator’ application tutorial that Alpagya gave, whenever he sees a waiter in a restaurant.

Rohan Sripad, another colleague, seconds Prasanna, “Alpagya has been a showy guy right from the beginning. Just that now he chooses to tell time to a bystander from his iPhone, as compared to two weeks back when he would take out his white MacBook to do the same.”

Faking News has learned that Alpagya’s colleagues have started calling him “iPhoney” owing to his loud and cheesy habit of flaunting his iPhone. Some of them have even ‘unliked’ the ‘Hey US! India Is Not Your Dumping Ground!‘ Facebook page that was created by Alpagya prior to buying his iPhone 4.

Alpagya however defends his actions and terms his colleagues as envious.

“These are the same guys who were envious when I had got a promotion. They just can’t see anyone being superior to them,” said an overwhelmed Alpagya. But sources confirm that Alpagya was not given a promotion in the last two appraisals, and in fact he had been living like a dejected soul till he got his phone.

“This iPhone has made Alpagya rise like a phoenix from the ashes,” Rohan said, “Or maybe he would call it iAshes!”

But Alpagya maintains that those finding his actions annoying and frustrating are iDiots.

This article was first published by me on Faking News. Here is the Link

Software engineer ‘reports abuse’ his manager on Facebook after appraisal!

Bangalore. In an incident, the first of its kind, a software engineer has reported his manager’s Facebook profile for abuse. Mukul Bhati, an employee of Tata Consultancy Services (TCS), was reportedly peeved over the appraisal rating given to him by his manager Kumar Padmanabh (KP).

Working as a Junior Software Engineer in TCS for the last eight years, Mukul who joined the IT giant as a fresher, had almost reconciled himself to the harsh verdict but the latest status update from KP, proved to be the last straw for Mukul.

“I would be a billionaire if I was looking to be a selfish boss. That’s not me!” – was the status set by KP that forced Mukul to take the extreme step. For someone who comes across as a relatively timid guy, this was a David’s blow to Goliath.

These two steps on Facebook gave
a lot of satisfaction to Mukul

“I have no regrets. On the contrary I feel free like a superman,” said an unrepentant Mukul. He adds, “I was very buoyant before the start of the appraisal meeting this time as my performance had literally ticked all the check-boxes present in the Expectations List. But it was all over for me as soon as KP started the meeting with the remark,‘Mukul you have performed well this time and I am very happy with your efforts.’”

The legend has it that whenever KP starts an appraisal meeting by praising your efforts, your appraisal grade has disaster written all over it. No wonder that in the step that follows reporting a person on Facebook, Mukul chose the option ‘This person is pretending to be someone else or is fake‘.

Oblivious to this latest development, the boss KP, in his routine fit of Facebook frenzy, was busy creating a new page that he would subsequently ask all his office sub-ordinates to ‘like’. It was then, while he was trying to share the link to the newly created page titled ‘Management lessons from KP’ with everyone, that the reality dawned upon him as he noticed Mukul’s name missing from the friend’s list.

Completely unmoved by the incident, KP says with a dismissive shrug, “Suffering from delusions of technical adequacy, Mukul was never the brightest bulb in the chandelier to begin with. Add to that his lack of height and a loud voice, the quality of leadership deserted him as well. He really thought getting piles for the project is a sufficient indication of commitment? Poor kid!”

Mukul however has received tremendous support from other fellow TCS engineers, receiving a whopping 129 friend requests since the incident. Although much to the sorrow of many of Mukul’s friends who wanted to ‘like’ this gesture of Mukul’s daredevilry on Facebook, they realized that reporting a person doesn’t comes as a status update. They have however stopped being KP’s neighbors in Farmville.

This article was first published by me on Faking News. Here is the Link

Man gives up hope of telling tales of Tendulkar to his sons!

Kanpur Dehat. When Sachin Tendulkar hit his maiden T20 hundred last week, the entire nation erupted in joy. News channels were flooded with programs depicting the greatness of the God man and those programs continue to be run today on the little master’s 38^th birthday, even though Sachin himself is not celebrating it due to the death of Sathya Sai Baba.

Chiraunji, who is getting bald, had tried
to keep a similar hair style during his
college days. Sachin continues to have
almost the same amount of hair even now.

But as it turns out, not every Indian is happy to see Sachin Tendulkar continuing to sit on a cloud of runs with the rainbow of records around his shoulders for the last twenty-two years. Chiraunji Lal, an LIC agent in Kanpur and a cricket fan, is one of them.

“A cricket match has always been like a festival for my family right from the All India Radio days. My babuji used to narrate to me the chronicles of the legendary Sunil Gavaskar during every ongoing match, long after his retirement from cricket; I was only ten then,” Chiraunji recalls, “Captivated by his narrative, I used to secretly wish that one day even I will tell my son such tales of Tendulkar as he was the hero of my generation.”

Chiraunji pauses to mix up his khaini in his palm and continues, “But sirji, 22 years have gone by and I don’t see any chance of Sachin retiring in the near future. I have completely given up that dream for my eldest son, who, if the neighboring gossipmongers are to be believed, is about to become a father himself.”

Chiraunji’s last hope was umpire Steve
Bucknor, but the West Indian umpire
retired even as Sachin continued
to score runs.

Neighbors tell Chiraunji to keep the faith as his youngest son Chunnu is just three years old, but the ageing LIC agent is not too sure, “He (Tendulkar) only seems to get younger! Chunnu already has a sticker of Sachin on his tiffin-box.”

“I think I will take that wish with me to my grave,” Chiraunji rues.

Meva Devi, Chiraunji’s wife, interrupts with a concerned voice, “I am very worried about my husband. This crazy wish of his is affecting his health in a very severe way. For instance, last year when Sachin became the first man to score a double hundred in ODIs, my husband became the youngest in the village to suffer a heart-attack.”

Meva, who originally hails from Bardhman in West Bengal, has been trying to convince Chiraunji to tell Chunnu the tales of Sourav Ganguly.

Karunanidhi to do a Prison Break to rescue Kanimozhi from Tihar jail

New Delhi. If sources are to be believed then India is all set to witness its own real life version of the Prison Break. This time it will be the DMK head Karunanidhi who will do a Scofield to help his daughter and Rajya Sabha MP Kanimozhi escape from the Tihar Jail. 

It should be noted that Prison Break was a famous American TV serial drama in whichScofield rescues his brother out of a prison by staging a bank robbery and getting himself to be arrested and sent to the same prison where his brother has been held until execution on false charges.

Fearing that the option of staging a bank robbery might turn out to be a process in futility as the country’s treasury has already been robbed off with the 2G scam, Karunanidhi is planning to stage a robbery of Rahul Gandhi’s most cherished possession of Italian actress Monica Bellucci’s original pic signed by her.

Inside the jail, Kani has already been informed of the plan.

“Due to lack of court date on Sunday, Kani was relaxing in her cell flipping between Sun and Kalaignar TV while dunking Parle-G biscuits in tea, when she got a visitor. Immediately after she was allegedly told about the plan, I saw her secretly summoning her neighboring cell-mates Madhuri Gupta and Sonu Punjaban,” said the jail warden who was later suspended for allegedly humming the Raja Ko Rani Se Pyaar Ho Gayatune.

Karunanidhi is reported to have smiled
over the idea after being glum for many
days over the election defeat and
arrest of his daughter.

The suspended warden claims that Kani has finalized the role assignment for the escape job on the big day. Madhuri Gupta will grab the role of spying on the prison faculties and Sonu Punjaban will get the job of accepting money from Kani and arranging for the necessary resources.

At one stage Kani had even included Kalmadi, currently residing in Jail number 4 to provide the logistics for the escape but later he was eased out from the plan. It is believed that the pole-vault that Kalmadi procured for prison break, at five times the market price, turned out to be of a very low quality and broke as soon as they tried to jump off in the trial escape.

A senior DMK leader, on condition of anonymity told Faking News, “Kalaignar is confident of pulling this off as much as he is confident of winning the next assembly elections. Besides, compared to the Scofield, Kalaignar has a larger surface area to offer for the tattoo. In fact we are even planning to use the extra area to add the route map of the Tihar Jail canteen where Kalaignar can have his favorite sambar rice and curd in the mid of escape if the glucose levels go down.”

Since the rescue-plan has already been leaked, Delhi police is under tremendous pressure to prevent the successful execution of the plan. Savdhaan Singh, senior inspector at the Tihar jail said, “All the security guards have been given a month leave to watch closely all the episodes of How I Met Your Mother.”

Later, it was found out that a little “oversight” on the part of jail intelligence agencies had caused this goof-up between the television series.

And just in case jail authorities succeed in watching the right series, there is a back-up plan.

“In event of failure, Appa has planned to come out with the truth and name all the big guns involved in the scam. The government could then be forced to ask Supreme Court, which is currently driving the CBI to probe the 2G scam, to stop interfering in the powers of the executive and let the law take its own course,” the DMK source revealed.

This article was first published by me on Faking News. Here is the Link