Sunday, December 25, 2011

Don2: How it changed my life and would certainly change yours!!

Unlike everyone else (except for the Don2 team which kept congratulating each other over twitter all day), I am not going to completely dismiss Don2 as waste. Reason? Actually two of them: Firstly, Don2 has opened my eyes about life. It has forced me to look at the life from a new prism of reality. I think now it's high time that I get married and settle in life. After-all how long will this continue? Watching senseless movies, writing uncalled-for reviews, maintaining a rejected blog. It has to stop somewhere. Thanks SRK! I would definitely invite you to my marriage to dance but that is subjected to the dowry I get, so until something materialises on that front, please take care of your materialistic needs by conning the innocent people of my otherwise a very bright country.

Second reason is that I have started respecting my software engineering job a lot more now. No, it has nothing to do with Lara Dutta's role in the movie. Actually, while watching the movie I developed an instant sympathy for the bootlegger who would be sitting alert somewhere in the corner, recording Don2 secretly with a hidden handycam. Spare a thought for the guy, he has to go out later and convince others to buy that pirated CD. It would be like falling in a ditch of manure and then convincing somebody to lick you clean. Now that is Mission Impossible 5!!

Now you might be thinking that what kind of a Satan's secretary I am, spitting venom all around on Christmas. But then you see while 'you' happy people have everything in life and still hang Christmas stockings outside to receive even more gifts, I, like all other days in life, had put the same bloody milk coupon in the same bloody plastic bag. So don't expect the spirit of Christmas to be any kind of deal sweetener in this review.

Anyway, let me leave my psychotic-in-nature personal problems and start with the review. Don2 opens with a scene in which our hero fights single-handedly (ofcourse weaponless), with what I think was an entire island of shotgun laden gangsters. Isn't that's something he was supposed to do as G.One, instead of blowing flour on 'our' bebo and occasionally becoming a PSPO fan for her. But we shouldn't out-rightly blame SRK for that because the fact is that the 'number of villains a hero can pummel' increases as you start descending south from New Delhi. I am not too sure what is the state of affairs regarding this in SriLanka, but then if you look at it, may be Arjuna Ranatunga can indeed ...No..No..bad thought. 

Not allowing me to digress any further, I must say that the first half of the movie was still tolerable despite being woefully slow for a thriller. Add to that, it was only after a good 30 minutes into the movie, I realised that my 3D glasses were not actually a working pair at all, not that I regret missing on something when I look back now. So I have to wait till the intemission to give the theater management a taste of my 'Kanpur Dialect' and get a new pair of 3D glasses. In retrospect, I think it shouldn't have mattered much as even with a working pair of 3D glasses, the movie sucked big time which brings me to:<cue Newshour music> "The question tonight is that why did these numbskulls have to release Don2 in 3D. Tonight the nation needs an answer!" Really, what could possibly be the reason? If you ask me releasing Don2 in 3D just meant adding another dimension of trash. And you call me a sadist!!
The conman is back!!

I think with this habit of digressing at every juncture, I will never be able to become a good movie-reviewer! For the nth time coming back to the movie, real trouble started brewing in the 2nd half in which even an ignorant fool like SRK realised that there isn't exactly a buckload of thrill in the so called thriller. So what did the King of Bollywood do? He falls back on his Yash-Raj-production-house inspired romantic style of acting. Trust me if you are a fan of romantic SRK, there are some pleasant surprises for you in store. But really, it was at this point that I completely lost it. Even some college students (unwitting as we all are at that age) who cheered SRK's entrance in the movie started mocking him. I mean, just imagine Don, whom municipal vans police of 11 countries are chasing, starts fighting for a police officer. No need to re-read, you read it right in the first place: 'For a police officer' and not 'Against a police officer'. In-fact I even think for those parts in the movie where SRK and Priyanka Chopra were really falling in love, the background music became serenely romantic. May be they roped in Jatin-Lalit for those parts or maybe I misheard. Try to understand, my sense of proportion had deserted me by then. I should have taken my clue from seeing the people coming out of the earlier show. They looked like as if they paid some concentration camp a forceful visit. And as if the movie was not already torturing enough by then, in the last scene they show SRK sir riding a bike with registration no "Don 3". I almost kicked the seat in my front seeing that. Do you all know what that means? Do you realise the gravity of this? I think those old crazy science people who keep saying that in 2012 world will come to an end are indeed true.

The saddest part of all however remains, that despite all the Cartoon Network logic of the movie, even this will make millions of bucks just out of SRK's name. I guess like my friends who share my articles on FB even without opening it, SRK too has a blind following (Ofcourse the comparison is not to scale).

My rating: 3/5. You might be wondering why even 3? Honestly, SRK looked really cool in some parts with that beard and few of the SRK punches were actually funny, particularly while he was flirting with Miss Chopra. But this again is the reason why only 3 and not more. Arre Chacha-jaan, this was supposed to be a thriller and NOT a comedy/romantic movie!! Besides the new Don repeats that 'Don ko pakadna..' dialogue just too many times. Just say it once and shut up!! We all know the dialogue. AB's single swivel in the chair was enough in the original movie but SRK has to do all the catwalk, 'D' tattooing , curving eyebrows to medically dangerous limits to convince. I rest my case on the difference in class here. 

Perhaps the movie could be best summed up by one single line that my friend said: Don2 se paise wasoolna mushkil hi nahi namumkin hai!!

P.S. I must say that all these Sibal's siblings are doing one heck of a job at the Health Ministry. Until I watched the movie, I really couldn't guess from watching Don2 songs on music channels, what was that thing that SRK was holding between his lips with smoke emitted all around and a lighter in the other hand. Really tricked!! 
P.P.S. If you found the article worthless owing to its length then you must understand that a big star like SRK deserved more words. If you found the article worthless owing to it being un-researched/senseless then you must question your own judgement which landed you on this blog in the first place. However if you feel that the article was worthless owing to the author being biased, then my friend you are absolutely right!
Ok, now to hell with SRK and you all, I have an office to attend to in the morning. Samsung doesn't pay me to write movie reviews. GN!!


  1. What a love with SRK. Generally you write 2 or 3 paragraph but for SRK :P ..
    but I liked the effort puting by Farhan
    I am liking the point that our filmakers are also trying something new and big.

  2. haha SRK will dance for free if you say good things about his next movie BEFORE it is released :D

  3. Really one of the best article from you... The best comment "News Hour tonight".. U put it in the right place.. Hats off to your writing and imagine skills... :-)

    Simply Superb!


  4. @Dinesh: yes, Farhan is v versatile..

    @The Narcissist: I wish I was a writer of that stature :(

    @Ambar: thnx bhai :)

    @Giribala: No! SRK ki movie se dar nahi lagta hai madam, shaadi se lagta hai :P

  5. bhai...likha to aacha hai, issi bahane tum jaldi shadi to karoge or tumhara post padne k baad shayad koi jangali billi aapne shashikant ko mil jaye

  6. Bhai,

    Dont forget.. Shadi ke baad biwian bhi SRK ki hi fan hoti hai.. na chate hue aapko SRK ki movie dekhni hi padegi and dekhne baad review dena hi padega.... :-)

  7. @Ambar: Shaadi k baad no blogging! :)

  8. Hahhahhhahhaha.... I got it.. :-)

  9. hmmm i will rate this post 3/5. No relation to your rating for Don2.

  10. @Ankit: Given the kind of talented individual u r, i will take it as a compliment :p

  11. I have a filling that your every post is most popular. I think your work is amazing and i like it every time.
    I need some of informetion of the topic that you allways write. I will must come to you for the further informetion.
    Do as you are doing and i think your work is the best. thanks for your nice post that had given me sone of lthe new
    informetion. It will be very bad if i don't say thanks to you. this is entertainmetn today saing good bye and the best for
    the next post.

  12. I enjoyed ur review more then the movie...

  13. @hRithik: and i too enjoyed ur comment more than the movie..bad bad movie! :)

  14. Hi Mr. Commentator, I have never come across such a movie review ever (n have not penned such either) but its reeeeealy great to read such an honest piece of mind... This is exactly what i felt after i made the mistake of watching Ra. One (downloaded of course)but then i thought its not even worth writing or dissecting at all.... but yes now i think you inspire me to not let the worthless movies go off so easily...

  15. @Tina: Oh u shud read this one on RaOne:

    And yes never let go such wasted movies :) they hv become kind of my USP ;)