Saturday, August 27, 2011

Survey: Locating a decent public toilet is Indians' number one fear. Death comes second!

According to the survey results released by the Indian Velle Association (IVA), more than 90% of the Indians consider locating a decent public toilet during desperate times as something that they fear most. As surprising as the participants' choice of their biggest fear was, their choice of 'death' as the second most dreadful thing only emphasized the smelly condition of public toilets in the country.

When contacted by for his take on the survey results, a visibly confused Home Minister P Chidambaram reacted, cranking the loopiness meter all the way up to 10, "I do understand people's sentiments over this issue. For a country considered to be the world's biggest dumping ground, the least that we could do is to maintain public toilets in a presentable state."

"Besides don't forget to see the silver lining here. A single time usage of the public toilets in their current condition improves your lung capacity to a level that is beyond the output of a hundred kapalbhati sessions ," added Chidambaram, whose party's dislike for Yoga and associated people is secret to nobody.

The commoners however find it difficult to see any lining, silver or otherwise. What they do experience when inside a public toilet is something straight out of a Jackass show.

Balaji, a local resident of Bangalore who voted using public toilets as his biggest fear even ahead of death and sodomy, has had a harrowing experience with the public toilets. "The other night, while I was on my way back home after devouring a couple of McDonald's Spicy Paneer Burgers, I felt an overwhelming urge to defecate. Kept looking around for a half decent crapper but to no avail. With the pressure on my bowels building with each passing moment, I finally found a Sulabh Shauchalaya at a deserted road behind the trees in the dark. Its condition was as expected but even before I could gather all the courage to mount over the pot without making any contact, the fear of a splashback prevented me from going ahead. The ultimate devil-and-deep-blue-sea choice! Pretty disgusting for a city where you could find more pubs and bars in almost every street isn't it ?" questioned Balaji.

Not everyone though is just concerned by the numbers and the sanitation provided inside the public toilets, there are also some who completely despise the thoughtless way in which some of these public toilets are designed.
"First thing that I demand is to build taller walls separating urinals in this country. This would prohibit towering guys getting a bird's-eye view. Believe me its not a welcome feeling seeing a lanky guy entering the toilet and choosing the urinal just next to you, intentionally missing all the vacant ones on the way, " said Vishal Kumar who at 5'3" suffers big time at the hands of the modern auto flush sensor technology in the urinals at his workplace which assumes that the process is over even though he is still in the mid of it.

"While we should expect the government to work on the infrastructure and sanitation of public toilets, the onus is also on the society to stop disrespecting frequent toilet-goers," added Vishal, who often uses different floor toilets in his office building to avoid public glare.

Meanwhile, the IVA officials have already declared the survey a huge success, courtesy participants' enthusiasm. " The participants didn't just answer the questionnaire but also bombarded strong suggestions. For instance, some expressed their dislike towards the usage of terms like 'Pakistan' and 'Sasural' to address toilets and advocated for the adoption of the terms 'Bade Ghar' and 'Chhote Ghar' as the universal names while others condemned the people who feel ashamed of the echo effects while speaking on phone in the toilet taking a rightful dump," said Mr Susu Reek, president of IVA.

Govt's proposed solution!

Last reported the Sheila Dixit led Delhi government had already sprung to action by putting public awareness boards outside all public toilets saying:  

                   Toilet is the seat of the soul. Keep it clean!
                   -Genital Reminder.